Extract from 'The Stories of George the Hamster'


[NB - This story was always regarded by George as 'Apocryphal' - that is, a hamscript that was not considered ‘inspired' because of the lack of meaningful moral instruction that it gave to the reader. I include it here as it shows Rodent poetry at its finest.]

In a cramped nest compartment on the decks of Noah's Ark
lived two hamsters called Jayne Mary and Paul Mark.
There had been too little time to take lessons and learn to swim
so righteous Noah had agreed to take them in.
The wind it howled, the rain it fell, 'til the earth was covered thick.
The Ark it reeled and rocked and rolled - and both hamsters felt seasick. 

Now, when a hamster's feeling ill, when he has a cold or flu,
one thing that will help him rest is to find some wood to chew.
Even better - joy complete! - to take away his sorrow
he loves to dig into the earth and make a complex burrow.
Had they dwelt on the upper deck, no-one would have tried to stop them
but in the Ark's arrangement, Noah had put them on the bottom. 
They scratched their way through gopher wood using their tiny claws,
Then used their sharp incisor teeth to open the hole still more.
Down and down the hamsters dug 'til they could no more be seen.
When Noah came that evening late he let out a deafening scream:
‘They're gone! THEY'RE GONE!' he shouted loud. ‘Where can those rodents be?'
A close inspection of the hole caused Noah's eyes to see.
Deep below on the outer planks, the hamsters were now at work.
Unless somehow he could stop their game soon water would fill the Ark,
And flood the ship, sink the boat - all hands would be drowned!
Noah thought how foolish he'd been to put them on the ground.
Then a plan came to his mind and he rushed upstairs to trace
the whereabouts of that strange, grey beast that had a tail fixed to its face.
Soon, Noah had this animal standing in front of the hole.
Being careful not to stand on the mice and keeping well clear of the mole,
He tossed a peanut into the void, heard it clatter deep -
The animal, feeling hungry now, dropped its trunk to find the treat.
Meanwhile, Paul Mark sniffed the shell of the morsel that lay at his paws,
sinking his teeth with a crunch and crack, and grasping it firm with his claws.
The animal's trunk felt down the hole, searching around everywhere.
It fastened itself to the monkey nut shell, raised the hamster up in the air.
Jayne Mary looked over her shoulder and up, to the top of the cavity
She saw Paul Mark shooting up skyward to heaven, defying the known laws of gravity.
Noah rejoiced when he saw him appear, and threw one more nut down the breach.
The same thing occurred, Jayne Mary appeared, Noah's hands held one hamster each.
The journey saved, the Ark intact, he made them a safer nest
Upon the top deck, beside the birds, is the place that he thought best.
He provided hay and straw and food - abundant wood to chew.
The hamsters enjoyed the rest of the trip, though the days were only few.
The moral of this story is that travel by ship can bring failure, 
Especially when you're a golden hamster and you're digging for Australia.


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